Bye Birthday Blues: Tacos & Toes
When you’re TTC birthdays are not a celebration. You dread the marker of another year lost to father time. It’s like a siren that starts sounding that wails “ANOTHER YEAR OLDER, YOU’RE RUNNING OUT OF TIME” and you just want to bury your head in the covers and have someone wake you up when the pain of indefinitely waiting has finally spared you. I thought about how different the house would sound if those babies had stayed with me a year and a half ago. How different this birthday would be.
For me, I am also still grappling with the grief of losing my mother. I hate to say it at this age, but birthdays are hardly birthdays without your mom. They are the ones who always made it so special. And now that she’s not here, I realize it’s also a day we shared together…seeing as how we were both there for the event and spent the nine months beforehand preparing as a team for the big day. It makes sense. Her absence was especially present this year. Maybe because I can’t believe it’s my second birthday without her. Maybe because last year we were still fresh in relapse with my brother. Maybe because going through infertility without your mom is brutal. Regardless…I really missed my Momma the whole day. I was dreading the day for a long time and when it got here I was a total mess. But since I’ve been trying to work on gratitude this year I did my best to carry on and accept the blessings I do have. It actually ended up a bitter sweet weekend.
My poor husband had knee surgery the day before my birthday so earlier in the week he surprised me with flowers and an “A” necklace (for Ann, my mom) and we went out for tacos. We love casual so we tried a new place in The Paseo named Oso on Paseo and ate brisket burnt-end tacos and guac until we couldn’t hold anymore! #osogood. I’ve also been focusing on self care quite a bit, so I made time for a facial the day of my birthday. HBD to me. I got my patient settled in with ice-packs, snacks, and the remote, [the appropriate dose of] pain meds and I snuck away for the most amazing facial at Aura Spa here in Norman. It was seriously the best thing ever and it really gave me time to sit with my birthday and be thankful I am able to have such luxuries in my life. I prayed a lot while I was laying there with the dim lights, spa music, and all the essential oil smells. I was so glad I kept the appointment and went home a better nurse and a happier person. My dad and brother came over that night and we Door Dashed The Winston so Derick could stay comfy. It was quiet but I am learning to accept and embrace this new life as a chapter, not an ending.
A sweet friend of mine refused to let me ignore an actual birthday celebration so she piled the girls in her car, including me, the day after. We brunched at The Press then went for pedis. I have to admit it brightened my day, lifted my spirits, and forced me to enjoy myself more than I thought I could. WELL Beauty Studio is also a new fave of mine now. While searching for a “clean” nail salon I found WELL in the Plaza District and immediately fell in love. All natural products, 7-free polishes, and an interior concept to drool over. Derick was resting soundly and I have to say I thoroughly enjoyed myself! Not to mention got a pretty kick-ass paint job.
I am so thankful to have such a cool husband (who is recovering quite nicely I might add) friends who won’t let me forget I am loved and family that sticks together. Plus, tacos always make it better. And you can’t NOT be happy getting a pedicure while sipping champagne. Just simply writing this post made me realize how blessed I really am even in the darkness of TTC. Closing thoughts: journal more!
